My life will never be the same again, I have a puppy. This was maybe a stupid, sentimental decision, but nonetheless it was a decision and the result is that I am in love now. It was at first sight. This always means trouble. The trouble is that I worry (too late) never to be free again (but is this also not the wonderful torment of love). This little monster occupies a part of my heart in the same way as it occupies a part of my atelier, as it destroys the carefully, in my own way put together, order in both. It turns my world upside down and reveals so openly the structure I gave it. I look at the revealed structure and feel very unsecure: am I doing the right thing, have I done the right thing? Like a fresh mother, a fresh lover, a fresh artist, I wobble along with my little puppy. I rediscover the world I made for myself and try to make sense of it. I try to let go of my obsession to continue working on my new series and focus on the most urgent things. One of them being the exhibition at the end of the month. What will I show, what will i not show. what do I write about what I show, what do I not write about what I show. By now, I almost know what I will show.
I also know what I will not show. I had, however, fun playing with the idea of showing, but decided it is not yet good enough for the exhibition. No matter how `ungood` it is for the exhibition, the process might be interesting, though. It goes as follows: I made 300 unfired masks for the performance (masked) last year, the dancer crushed about 100 smh of them, after the performance I collected the broken pieces, in the following weeks I gradually fired all the pieces, I kept the pieces, I kept the pieces, i kept the pieces forever, I think i cherish the pieces, I put them on the ground, I `broomed` a heart out of the pieces, I caressed the pieces, the afternoon light shone on the heart, my hand formed a shadow on the heart, I felt a fire growing, I decided to make a little movie out of the shadow and heart, I think it is not yet where it needs to be, but almost. Some things take a long time before before they find their destination, before you can let go. Playing helps.
